How the Nutcracker got his Harley

How the Nutcracker got his Harley

How the Nutcracker got his Harley

by Dennis L. Nord

“Letty Leadfoot, that’s too crazy!” Letty L. crossed her arms and held up her chin as she listened to the Piggy Princess rant. Letty L. stared her down until she got to the part that picked up the conversation. “You want me to dance a part in the Nutcracker? What am I a nut? Do I look like a nut? Just look at me!” On and on went the Piggy Princess moving her hands from her waist until they reached shoulder high. Letty L. moved her left foot forward and looked slightly over her right shoulder at nothing in particular, wondering if that was the Piggy Princess version of imitating a nut. When the Piggy Princess slowed down Letty L. said quietly, “We could do a version no one every thought of. We will do something scandalous.” She let that last word hang like the bait she knew it was and her eyes narrowed to two slits and she put a hand on each of the Piggy Princess’s hips.

The Piggy Princess was about to rant again. She drew herself up, filled her lungs and looked Letty L. right in the eye. She let out the large volume of air she had just inhaled in a small sigh, “Aaahhhh,” she sighed. “Ok, what sort of scandal do you have in mind?” Letty L. beckoned her to sit down at the back table at the Point Peculiar Coffee Shop where they wouldn’t be overheard. Letty had her attention and she wasn’t about to waste the momentum in a hurried explanation. She looked over the Piggy Princess’s right shoulder out across the ocean and the beach. “What a wonderful day it is,” said Letty L with a pleasant smile on her face.

“Come on Leadfoot! Talk about what makes this Nutcracker so scandalous,” said the Piggy Princess. To herself she said, “Can’t believe I’m listening to this.”

“Well, ok, here’s what I have in mind,” said Letty L. with a pout before she formed the next sentence. She might be forced, but she had PP’s attention.

The Piggy Princess knew Letty L. had a devious streak though she looked so calm. She was only willing to listen for that reason. The longer Letty L. talked, the more the Piggy Princess was grinning and nodding, “yes, I could do that,” she said and, “that will SO work!” Then she laughed with her head rocked back. “What ballet do you know who will do that?” she asked.

“The Nutcracker has been done by every ballet company in the world,” said Letty L. “People created variations of every kind, so what we do will simply fit tradition, maybe. I read the original ballet choreography, you know how it fits to the music score.” Letty L. was quite animated describing her plan for the Nutcracker this year. Letty took out the script and they began writing how they were to change the choreography to fit Letty’s imagination.

They met the director for the ballet, Mr. Strange. Strange seemed to always be in a ballet or practicing for a ballet even when shopping or in a hallway conversation. He emphasized his sentences with ballet moves. When he came to the end of a sentence he rose to his toes. When he finished a question, he took a slight step back and turned his hands down. People noticed these moves, usually with a half smile, as everyone understood Strange had no awareness of what he did. When Letty L. pointed out the Strange daily ballet to the Piggy Princess she immediately saw every move coming from his training. Mr. Strange was large. He tapered at both top and bottom from an enormous waist line, like a top about to spin. The top image was emphasized by bicycle clips holding his trouser bottoms tight against his ankles. The Piggy Princess could hardly listen to him due to her curiosity about what he might do next. Therefore she relied on Letty L to do the talking when they went to see him. The Piggy Princess watched intensely as Mr. Strange did his dance. She knew Strange played the lead in a enormous nutcracker helmet and it was difficult to hold in her mirth imagining him in costume right here.

                                           ***

“Ok, now we practice for the audition,” said Letty L to the Piggy Princess. “You have danced ballet before?” She imitated Mr. Strange by standing on her tiptoes as she awaited her answer.

The Piggy Princess laughed, “It was a very long time ago. You better help me get ready. What part did you get me?”

Letty L. wasn’t listening at all. “You are a sugar plum fairy!” said Letty L., now  standing on her toes once again. The Piggy Princess imitated Letty L. by moving to her tiptoes as well.

“Oh, no, does that mean toe shoes?” asked the Princess looking down at her black motorcycle boots and wiggling her toes a bit. That part about wiggling her toes didn’t show. “And will I be standing on my toes every time I start a conversation?”

“Well, of course it means pointe shoes, how else will you be able to do those pirouettes? Just exactly how long has it been since you last danced ballet? Do you have shoes that fit?” asked Letty L. Letty ignored the question about conversations starting on tiptoe. “I know a darling store where you can pick out some new ones, those slippers you’re wearing will never do.” She looked at the Princess’s black riding boots. Each weighed about three pounds and reached mid-calf. Letty L. wore a similar pair so when she raised her eyebrows it was not a criticism. They both laughed and lowered their heels to the ground.

Off they roared to the ballet store. “Brapp-a-brapp-brapp” went the Piggy Princess’s hog, “Harley-Davidson motor cycle, for ballet fans uninitiated to the finer points of the cycle world, too loud for polite company or hearing yourself think. She drove slowly through town to be a little bit polite, though that made the exhaust reverberate in the narrow street much longer. She was thinking about toe shoes as they rode up to the Dance Sensation Store and parked the cycles. The Piggy Princess popped down the stand on the Harley in unison with Letty L. Let the choreography begin thought the Piggy Princess. They pulled the bikes up together and shared an off-center grin as they checked the balance to be certain they were stable.

“This will be so worth it,” said Letty L, “You’ll see.” She lined up the Piggy Princess in her dark eyes to make sure they were on the same page. The Piggy Princess pulled off her black helmet and let her long dark hair fall down her back over her black motorcycle jacket. She locked the helmet on the back of the bike and stepped up on the sidewalk and looked at the Danskin tights, pointe shoes, tap shoes and other dance and yoga clothes in the window. She looked at her reflection there beside all those girly clothes. A cycle chick in black leather jacket, black boots, and chrome shades stared back at her. She drew up her shoulders and walked through the door to the sound of ballet music. She could do this. A wide smile crossed her face.

Inside they went right to the tiny pointe shoes together. Letty L. put her hand on the soft satin shoes and held them out to the Piggy Princess. “See how soft?” she said while looking the Piggy Princess in the eye and stroking the satin finish. The sales girl came over and looked up and down at their riding gear, well mostly the Piggy Princess’s. Letty L. wore a light yellow jump suit with white piping that might be a dance costume, for a interlude to a motorcycle movie. The Piggy Princess looked like she was ready to ride hard.

“What can I help you with?” the sales girl directed her comment pointedly at Letty L. She seemed certain the Piggy Princess could not be interested in anything in the store so it must be Letty L. who would be shopping.

The Piggy Princess took an extra breath and said, “Me, uh, I, I need a new pair of pointe shoes.” She said a “new pair” to make it clear that she owned ballet slippers and was not a novice despite her hog-riding gear and because like usual, she liked to unnerve people who thought they had her pegged as a bad girl.

“Oh,” said the sales girl as she swung towards the Piggy Princess. She tried to cover her surprise at hearing the Piggy Princess wanted toe shoes. “Of course, let’s see what we have for you.” They measured the Piggy Princess’s foot as her boot size didn’t seem a good place to start. Sitting on the floor her boot looked alien and outsized by all the dance footwear. Maybe eight or nine of the dainty shoes would fit in each boot. The sales girl brought out several pair of pointe shoes. Together they forced the Piggy Princess’s feet into the tiny slippers. The Piggy Princess soon recalled why she quit wearing these silly things. Her toes were numb and she had yet to stand on them. Besides they looked flimsy and tiny at the end of her black jeans.

Letty L. announced, “Those look about right and being off-white they’ll go with any costume they have you wear. But, maybe, they don’t go with your normal riding leathers. Stand up and try a few moves.” The Piggy Princess grimaced, but stood flat-footed. Letty L. took PP’s jacket and held PP’s hand up suggesting she spin about. The Piggy Princess did so and held herself high on the toes of one foot. Halfway around she nearly collapsed. Through determination, she managed to spin the rest of the way. She saw her grimace in the window reflection and swallowed it before turning back to Letty L.

“Whoa! It’s been longer than I thought. Are you sure you need me for your plan?”

“Sure, you’re going to be great!” responded Letty L. Before they made her try any more moves, the Piggy Princess said, “I’ll take ‘em, wrap ‘em up,” and smiled sweetly to the sales girl.

They practiced the Nutcracker at the Piggy Princess’s castle. They went to the audition where the Piggy Princess showed up on the big Harley brapping and barking to a stop outside the studio. Mr. Strange watched the Piggy Princess with wonder that she really could dance once she got out of the heavy black boots, helmet and the motorcycle leathers she wore, but it turned out to be true.

After watching, he said, “That was very good. I think we can use you in the Nutcracker this year. Yes, I am sure of it.” He sounded pleased and was at the apex of his height in full extension of the metacarpals. He didn’t see the Piggy Princess grimacing from the pain of the tiny bit of dancing she had done. “Practice will be every day at 7:00 PM, except Wednesdays. We start next week. Go around to the costumer’s office and tell her “strawberry fairy” and she’ll provide the lovely costume.” She nodded and walked off looking for the costume designer.

“Strawberry fairy yourself!” she snorted. “Wait’ll they see what this turns into.” She eyed the frilly costume when it came out on a hanger and then went to the dressing room to be fitted. It took very little as she was trim from racing her hog and looked the part when she looked in the mirror and curtsied to herself there.

“I think that will do,” said the costume lady between the pins in her mouth. “Just take that off without sticking yourself and I’ll do it up for you by the next time for you to try.”

Practices went well and Mr. Strange got used to his two cycle-riding fairies. The troop was polishing the ballet and coming up to their first performance. “We will only be able to pull this off once,” said Letty Leadfoot. “Which performance do you think we should pick?”

The Piggy Princess raised her eyes and said, “Looks to me it ought to be the last. No one will expect a change in plan and we insure the troop gets to do all their performances. After our performance there won’t be another whether it’s first or last, so this is most fair.”

Letty L.’s and the Princess’s parents along with all the rest of the cast parents came to the dress rehearsal. The Piggy Princess was keeping up fairly well though it cost her in pain and a little humiliation. Her mother was tremendously happy. She let the Piggy Princess know how pleased she was with this sudden departure from everything motorcycle to develop more cultural maturity. “Darling, that was just heavenly! You are so full of talent. I forgot what it was like back when you took ballet. I am so pleased you thought of doing this with your friend Letty.”

“Well, Letty L. talked me into this,” said the Piggy Princess.

Each performance was better than the last. The Princess’s mother was in the front row each time. She nearly swooned with pleasure. She brought any of her friends who would attend.

In the changing room, the Princess let out a shout, “We were awesome out there tonight!” She danced through a set of choreographed steps and then hugged Letty L. “More fun than I ever thought.”

Letty lifted her easily and when she was back on the floor she said. “Of course it is.” More quietly so only the Princess could hear, “and it is only going to get better, much, much better!”

Unknown to anyone else, Letty L. and the Piggy Princess continued working out the details of their own version of the Nutcracker for the final.

“This is really a small variation with a love theme that everyone is going to simply eat up! Sort of a Romeo and Juliet in a Christmas ballet,” said Letty L. Her eyes lit up and she did a quick turn of her own.

                                              * * *

The Nutcracker opened for the last time the night before Christmas. The girls rode up to the theater and dressed for their parts like every performance before, pulling on their tiny shoes and fairy costumes.

“I hate to say this, but I am going to miss the Nutcracker when this is over,” said the Piggy Princess, “ I didn’t think that would happen.”

“Yeah, me too. Do you want to back out on this?”

“Nope! Wouldn’t miss it for a new pair of dancing slippers!”

On stage, going through their parts, they were better than ever. While their roles were simple they had that feeling of the greater show and the emotion of participation. When Letty L and the Piggy Princess started out on the stage for their last scene suddenly from the wings came two long trapeze swings gliding in behind them so all they had to do was sit back to be swept up through the middle of the stage. At once they went from extra to main characters on stage!

The entire theater was stunned to momentary silence. No one had seen swings in the Nutcracker before. Up they went on a second arc and when they passed together in the center of the stage they exchanged swings gracefully in mid air thirty feet above the head of the Nutcracker himself, Mr. Strange. He could only follow them in flight with his eyes. He was dumbfounded. The music continued without missing a beat. The orchestra conductor had done this so many times she could complete the entire piece asleep regardless of what she was seeing above the stage, though her mouth was wide open.

Just then the rap of two Harleys entered the stage one on each side. Two riders in Santa suits crossed the stage missing all the dancers to slide onto center stage. Both had half masks covering their faces just as the Phantom of the Opera wears. They bowed to the Nutcracker from opposite sides while standing over the seats of their bikes. Both bikes were Christmas red from front fender to back. As the trapeze fairies came to the low point of their next swing the Harleys roared to life and matched their speed in opposite directions. At the last moment the fairies gracefully transferred from swings to stand on the back of the red cycles behind the twin phantom Santas, just as the “Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairies” came to an end. Suddenly the orchestra struck up the theme of the phantom of the opera and a huge, previously unseen, chandelier descended to center stage. Decorated with little nutcrackers riding motorcycles, the chandelier was so large it encircled the whole dance troop on stage. The dancers were flooded by thousands of red and green Christmas lights. After a brief shock the music of the Nutcracker returned and they continued their usual ending routine as the chandelier rose and the dancers made their way off stage.

As the ballet came to the end, the motorcycle couples zipped back on stage and the four riders exclaimed to the audience, “Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!” “Barooma braap  abrap brap brap,” went the Harleys louder than you can ever imagine as they roared off stage to a standing ovation.

So how did the Nutcracker got his Harley? The next year the Piggy Princess & Letty L. arranged for Mr. Strange as the Nutcracker to ride off on a Harley too and that’s how  the ballet has come to be staged every time forever after by Mr. Strange.

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I dedicate this story to my Harley Bud, Punky Wilkes, AKA Gilbert Willard Wilkes, III, let her R.I.P.